MS1DFUL

Some douchebag license plates need no explanation. We think this is one.

MS1DFUL

4MY HORZ

No picture and not exactly a douchebag license plate, but we promise that we are not wasting your time. Way out in the suburbs, we were fortunate enough to pass by a big SUV with the license plate 4MY HORZ. In the city, we would snigger and take a photo, assuming it was gangsta-style bragging about the car/disrespect for women. In fact, we might have done that out there in the boonies, too, except that… the SUV was pulling a horse trailer.

Consider alternate interpretations before purchasing your vanity plate, lady!

Snigger!

MR OBAMA

We got a good (yet, we hope, subtle) look at the driver of this vehicle, and while it was a black man, it was most assuredly not Barack Obama. We are unsure whether this is simply a confused fan or someone who believes that he is, in fact, the president.

Hint: Are you surrounded by Secret Service agents? Do bands start playing “Hail to the Chief” when you walk into the room? Do you work from home in a big white mansion in DC? If you can’t answer yes to any of those questions, you are probably not the president.

LORD CJ

It’s possible that this person is another religious douchebag eager to communicate love of Jesus Christ to those who have managed to reach driving age without hearing about him. But we think it’s probably someone with a huge ego whose initials are CJ. Either way, dooooooouche.

IBLVNJC and GNISIS1

We BLVN keeping your religion to yourself and not tackily trying to convert people through social pressure or state law, so we have a soft spot in our hearts for people who advertise their Christianity on their license plates. A rotten, stinky, smelly soft spot.

Then there’s GNISIS1. For those who are not familiar, this is the very beginning bit when God creates everything out of a void. This passage is why Biblical literalists are against teaching evolution in schools. We can only assume that this driver is a douchebag Biblical literalist who prefers his/her fairy story to peer-reviewed science and isn’t afraid to shove it down schoolchildren’s throats.

Remember, folks, Christians are an oppressed minority in this country — that’s why only the president, 99 of 100 senators and eight of nine Supreme Court Justices are Christians! That’s why Christmas is a federal holiday! And that’s why douchebags feel free to prosthelytize via license plate.

HYWYSTR

Those of you not familiar with classic rock radio and/or Rock Band may not get the reference at first.

This plate appears to be referencing the Deep Purple song “Highway Star, which informs the listener that the singer’s car is a wild hurricane killing machine that he will race into the ground. The perfect soundtrack to your next DUI!

BMW RULE

Even if this had an in-state license plate, implying that your BMW rules or that you rule for purchasing a statusmobile would already be laughable. Plus we’re pretty sure that we saw this driver trying to park illegally.

However, on top of this, this driver has the bad taste to be a Texan, which puts him or her into a group of people who combine obnoxious confirmity, Jesus freakitude, undeserved ego about how great their state is and George W. Bush to be the official state of douchebaggery. Gov. Perry, trade us Austin for some appropriately douchebaggy city like Bakersfield and we will actively help you secede.

MR LEXUS

Courtesy of a highly productive agent back East, another label whore with a glorified Toyota.

You’ll just have to take our word for it.

Spotted in transit were several fine plates that we could not photograph in time.
First, on a Ford Mustang, the license plate MAGNUM PI. Sure.

Next, a real super-douche showed up with 2HUNG. Really? REALLY? We regret very much that we were unable to photograph this, as we find it literally incredible that someone would pay good money to advertise himself as this insecure.

Finally, we got a chuckle out of GODINME. Did he wear a condom?