We have nothing against lawyers in general, but we find that the ones who need to brag the loudest about being lawyers are the ones with the least prestigious jobs and backgrounds. By that logic, this douche probably handles small-time criminal defense like DUIs, armed with a degree from Podunk College of Law. Note the aggressive grille; a prolific agent took the pic, but we’d say there’s a 60% chance that’s a big SUV; 40% chance of Mercedes.
An agent with a malfunctioning mobile phone spotted this plate, which suggests that not all of the douches who need to brag about the make of their cars drive Jaguars after all. Presumably, it’s a BMW — the favored statusmobile of the law-firm associate. Unlike a Mercedes, at least a BMW has the mechanical guts to justify the price. Like a Mercedes, however, most BMWs are unlikely to be driven anywhere other than the office, on errands and to the bar so the owners can drink away the pain of their shallow and meaningless lives.
This picture may not be the most legible, but we consider ourselves fortunate that we weren’t driving when we spotted it. This, friends, is 100% pure cop bait:
“Do you know why I pulled you over?”
“It’s because your license plate suggests that you stole the car, douchebag.”
Thanks to an agent in Marina del Rey, we meet yet another douche who feels the need to point out she bought a Jaguar. What’s with Jag owners needing to repeat the information available on the badge? It’s like the vehicle offers nothing to them but enhanced status. HMM.
By the way, it may interest status-conscious automobile shoppers to know that Jaguar hasn’t been British-owned since 1990, when it was bought by plebian old Ford. In fact, Ford sold it this summer to an automaker from another former colony — India’s Tata Motors.
We rarely have reason to venture into Beverly Hills anymore, but when we do, it’s nice to know that there’s a wealth of douchebag license plates awaiting us, strung up and down Robertson and Beverly like stinky little pearls. Here, we have a douche who’s deeply in love with America’s favorite piece of furniture, the television. The really douchey thing is that he/she is almost certainly bragging about working in TV. Note to douche: Tila Tequila works in television too.
We would have posted this plate no matter what, because it is douchebaggy to run around proclaiming that you are the “chosen one” unless you are Neo.
However, the douche who owns this license plate happened to catch us photographing it, and proudly explained that she chose it because she is a Christian. In addition to the inherent douchiness of Christians running around bragging about being Christians (big whoop; have a cookie), we feel that it’s just a tad bit egotistical to run around proclaiming to be the chosen ONE. Particularly if your excuse is that you belong to a religion whose spread historians attribute to its egalitarian approach to the afterlife. And then there’s the fact that the Bible outright says the Israelites are the chosen people. Also known as the Hebrews. Those guys up on Beverly with the funny hats. JEWS.