Douchebag Direct Mail Solicitation!

December 26, 2008

We were already considering whether XX FOR MOM would make a funny post. (The driver was definitely NOT employed in the porn industry.) Then we got this, much douchebaggier, piece of mail:

douchebag_direct_mail1

For those unacquainted with SEO, this company offers to do for you for $65 what you could do yourself in 15 minutes for free. Maybe more if you are interested in submitting to search engines that nobody uses. And it does so using unsolicited junk mail that looks suspiciously like the bill that it claims it isn’t. (Let us hope that they were forced by law to add that disclaimer.) For this, Web Listings Inc., we crown you the emperors of Douchebag Land. May your level of success equal your level of honesty! May your direct mail advertising costs far exceed your profits!


OUTRAGZ

December 13, 2008

This douchebag gave us extra proof of his doucheitude by tailgating and honking in morning rush-hour traffic, according to the agent who sent it. Perhaps it was all part of his dedication to being TRULY OUTRAGZ.

Douchebag license plate reading OUTRAGZ

Douchebag license plate reading OUTRAGZ

Jem is his name/No one else is the same!


JAGBAIT

December 12, 2008

The use of the word “bait” suggests that the driver thinks people in Jaguars will be unable to resist racing him/her. In addition to being rather narcissistic, this person also doesn’t seem to get that you buy a Jag to show everyone how rich you are, not to drag-race. Look, they don’t put walnut paneling in a Ferrari, kiddo.

Douchebag license plate reading JAGBAIT

Douchebag license plate reading JAGBAIT


INGODZ HAND

December 11, 2008

Look, if you believe a benevolent and all-powerful god has you in his/her/its hands, that must be very nice. But if you’re confident about that, why declare it from the back of your vehicle?

”]Douchebag license plate reading INGODZ[hand]

Feeling the need to proclaim your belief in God smacks of either defensiveness or a sort of smug self-righteousness about being a believer in the first place. In either case, this makes you a douchebag. This goes double for Christians, who are in the majority in this country. It is neither brave nor even especially interesting for most Americans to declare that they believe in a Christian God.


IFEEL20

December 10, 2008

Nothing says “douchebag” like a luxury convertible whose license plate actually DECLARES that it’s a midlife-crisis-mobile.

Douchebag license plate reading IFEEL20

Douchebag license plate reading IFEEL20


LTHL_ONE

December 9, 2008

We grabbed for the camera when we saw this vehicle and its douche-y license plate.

Douchebag license plate reading LTHL ONE

Douchebag license plate reading LTHL ONE

Ooh. The guy in the economy car up ahead is SO SCARED!


HEROINE

December 8, 2008

We spotted this one ourselves while sitting in stopped traffic. No, bad spellers, this driver is not a junkie; she fights crime. Or something. Or maybe she’s just a douchebag in an Infiniti.

Douchebag license plate reading HEROINE

Douchebag license plate reading HEROINE